Life and Times of Will

Sometimes my smart phone makes me feel stupid.

I can’t count the times I have crossed 14th St traffic, risking life and limb, to avoid the dreaded street petitioner. Our brains have come to engage the flight or fight complex as soon as they recognize the subtle patterns of these highly embarrassing engagements. The messenger bag wielders stand still, feet spread apart, eyes fixed on your downcast face, a smile on their lips, one hand gripping a clipboard, while the other one waves to you. They greet you, “Do you care about the environment?”, or “Do you have a minute for gay marriage?” things that you can’t answer negatively lest you risk ruining your carefully crafted eco-friendly or liberal image. The perfect trap. All you can do is breathe a little prayer for the asshole anti-social image that New York has imparted on its citizens as you rush by mumbling something about being late gripping my beach towel to your chest. Just one more social encounter avoided. 

Living in a 3D world with 2D vision kinda sucks. James Cameron hates lazy eyed people!

The only reason I would want a Macbook is so I can take pictures of Facebook suggestions. Like this one today:

         “Many people who Like Barack Obama also like Megan Fox”

It’s like Facebook can see deep into my secret-Megan-Fox-loving soul.

I have no living memory of a time when I had to cook myself anything without the option of nuking it. Since moving into my first apartment in NYC I have been living life without any sort of microwave. This has created a surprising amount of difficulties for my remedial cooking skills. Gone are the days of three minute ramen. Gone are the days where I could cook rice or couscous in 3 to 5 minutes instead of 25 to 35 minutes. But oddly enough I find myself bitching less and less when I defrost my bagel in the oven, or heating up leftovers with the broiler. Perhaps it is possible that life before the miraculous invention of the microwave was not so bad. Perhaps people were even happy… But I tend to doubt it. The only benefit I see here is a chance to build character (as my parentals have loving put it), and not being bombarded by small amounts of radiation every time I decide I want something hot instead of lukewarm.

Tune in next time for My Life Without a Toaster.

alexandrahart:

I pride myself on my ability to name, spell, and locate every state.  I can even list all the states without a map.  I think this is because in grade school we had to take “The State Test,” every few months until junior high.  Actually, now that I think of it, we started with “The New England Test” and then graduated to the whole country.  You didn’t need to score a 50/50 to pass The State Test.  If you had that jumbled Eastern seaboard down, with all its funny jagged coastline, they’d probably let it slide if you confused a few right-angled western states.  Tell me Wyoming and Colorado aren’t the same thing, honestly.  Once you passed, you moved on: state capitals, bodies of water, North American countries.  Passing your State Test meant your name was added to the massive butcher paper mural on the cafteteria wall, and for every additional test you dominated, a special corresponding sticker got added to the end of your name.  Sort of the “Esq.” or “PhD” of grade school geography.  I couldn’t pass my state test until I was in the 5th grade.  My mom made up one mnemonic after another: Kentucky Fried Chicken on a Tabletop and will Della Wear a New Jersey to the party in Mary’s Land, but it never did any good.  Finally, I think out of pity, my teacher passed me at forty states.  It was too late in my last year for my name to show up in the cafeteria and my one attempt at state capitals was laughable.

I was my regional geobee champion two years running, but i feel your pain to the sad fact that i can spell only about 40% of the english language correctly. I skipped school the days we had spelling bees. Fail.

I’m writing this from work. One small step for man, one giant leap for Will-Kind!

I am not going to lie. I didn’t choose to study abroad in the Czech Rep. because I wanted to go to class everyday and do homework. But four days ago I contracted what is most likely a deadly new form of the (insert-random-animal-here) flu.

Since then about half of the NYU in Prague students have developed fifty year old chain smoker’s coughs. In response a RA appeared while I was peacefully watching a movie and informed me that I shouldn’t go to class, and that I would be completely excused.

So what did I do with this information? Drank and took pictures. Score: Will 1, Swine flu 0

I realized today that I have been constantly dodging tourists on a daily basis for the past 3 years. Going to school in New York City I am constantly surrounded by flash bulbs blinding me as I walk under the Washington Sq Arch on my way to class. During the summer I literally have to wade through tourists clogging the Ben & Jerry’s Gift shop. This year I thought it might be a little different being in Prague for a semester. How wrong I was. The two NYU buildings are mere feet from one of the largest tourist attractions in Prague, the Astronomical Clock. What makes it worse is that these people are waiting (sometimes for up to 30 mins) to watch a clock chime. Not only that but daily I am assaulted by pub crawl promoters who are some of the lewdest and awkwardest people I have ever had to interact with. I see no end until i graduate with this problem. Maybe this is why my sister works on a farm after graduating from NYU…